When I was 13 years old, I was sexually assaulted. It resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. I did not share my rape right away out of fear and shame. I didn’t know how to even process what had happened to me. Finally, I ended up sharing what happened to a random student on the bus. I knew I needed help. That student reported what I shared with staff at my middle school. While in the sixth-grade choir, I was pulled into the principal’s office. I was asked questions about what I had shared on the bus about my experience. At first, I denied what had happened, but I finally told them. My parents were called to the school, and I was taken to our local “pro-life” Catholic doctor. He did an exam and ultrasound, confirming that I was pregnant. The only option that the doctor mentioned to us was abortion. I had never heard the word before and didn’t know how to process abortion, rape or teenage pregnancy. But I remember my mom nodding her head in agreement with the doctor.
My Abortion Experience
We were told that the people protesting outside the abortion clinic hated us and to walk in quickly. But no one was outside on the day of my abortion. Once we got in the clinic, I was separated from my parents and taken to a “counseling room.” The only thing I remember them telling me was that it was “just a clump of cells.” I had no idea what they were talking about, only that I thought I was at a doctor’s office and therefore trusted them. The first time I saw the abortionist, George Klogfer, was when he came into the room and said, “this won’t take long.”
The abortion was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life. I still have flashbacks of the smell. My mom could hear me screaming for help from the waiting room. When she tried to help me, she was told “no.” She would later have a mental breakdown because of it – even needing to check herself in for help for two weeks. My dad had to carry me out over his shoulder, bloody from the abortion. We got in the car and silently agreed never to talk about what happened.
There is hope! If you or someone you know is post-abortive, Focus on the Family has non-judgmental and confidential resources to help support you during this time. Visit our Post-Abortive Recovery Resources or call 1-800-A-FAMILY for more information.
An Opportunity of Redemption
A Second Pregnancy
When I was 16, Planned Parenthood came to our school. So, when I became unexpectedly pregnant again, we went to Planned Parenthood. They told me I should abort my baby because I was young, poor and in school. At 13, I didn’t know what abortion was. But at 16 and post-abortive, I did. I went out to the car with my boyfriend, and he asked if we should abort our baby. I shared my story for the first time. It broke his heart. He said, “I don’t know how we will figure this out, but we will.”
We choose life that day in the parking lot of Planned Parenthood.
Afterward, we were so blessed to have a church family who helped us finish school, learn parenting skills and walk alongside us.
By the time we were 23, we had thought we were beating the odds. We bought our first house, had two amazing kids, and life was great. But then I had a miscarriage. Our world began to fall apart. I didn’t know it then – but now I know – I was suffering from double grief. A few years later, my ovary ruptured, and I nearly died. By 29, I had to have a complete hysterectomy.
When my kids were in middle school, I struggled to feel unworthy as a wife and mother. I ended up moving out of my house because I thought my kids and husband deserved better. So, I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb my pain.
Finding My Way Back to Christ
One night after heavy drinking, I knew I was too drunk to drive home. I began texting people to come to get me. I was so consumed with self; I wasn’t thinking about anyone but me. Consequently, I didn’t want to go to jail for a DUI. But, one by one, people told me no. I was not happy about it at first. But, as it turns out, it was the best night of my life. I got in my car and began to weep. I prayed, “God, I have only you.” What I love is that God saw me at my worst yet still lavished me with a love that I had never felt before. That night, I knew I needed to go home physically and spiritually.
By God’s grace, I made it home and God was working on my husband’s heart, too. We began our healing journey. I started with counseling, but never shared my abortion because I thought they would tell people in my church (which wasn’t true).
I began serving in my church and really felt I found healing. Then, a friend who invited me to see the movie “Unplanned.” As I sat in that theater, and it was like my life was unfolding in front of my eyes. That’s when I heard the Holy Spirit say it was time to tell the rest of my story.
Helping Others Heal
I had no clue where to even start, so I reached out to my local Right to Life. I wanted to help women with my story before they would go into the abortion clinic. Through searching for ways to reach those women, I was invited to attend sidewalk counseling. It was there that a sister in Christ asked if I had ever attended abortion recovery classes. I shrugged it off. Then, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “How do you expect to help others if you don’t help yourself?”
I decided to try post-abortive counseling. I went for healing and God met me in a powerful way. For the first time in my life, I could grieve my daughter – who I named Elliana Grace. It was life-changing. I continued to go to the abortion clinic with the sidewalk counselors, and heard the Lord say to hold a memorial service for post-abortive men and women. I had no idea what I was doing but wanted to obey.
The night before the service, news broke that the abortionist I was taken to at 13 had died. They found after his passing that he had hoarded 2,246 aborted babies in his garage. I crawled into bed broken. Crying out to the Lord, I asked if Elliana Grace was one of the babies. I heard the Holy Spirit say, “Your baby, and all the other babies, are with me. That’s why I asked you to tell the rest of your story.”
Since then, Christ launched a global ministry through sharing my freedom story, reaching women all over the world to find freedom in Jesus: She Found His Grace.
If you have abortion in your past, there is hope, forgiveness and freedom. Go to shefoundhisgrace.org to find healing.
