The road to parenthood can be filled with moments of joy and anticipation, but it can also be met with unexpected challenges that reshape our path in ways we never imagined. One of the first traumatic experiences many couples go through is a miscarriage. That was our story. I have experienced what a miscarriage feels like. As a mom who has a child, struggled to conceive them, lost five and buried two, and has worked very hard to reconcile my trust in a good God, I can honestly say that I have found joy again.
What a Miscarriage Feels Like
In this article, I want to delve into many facets of what a miscarriage feels like, touching on the physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental aspects that create a unique and often profound journey from tragedy to healing.
The Physical Struggle
Any sort of pregnancy loss, including a miscarriage, often results in a variety of physically intense feelings. Unfortunately, while there are similarities, no two pregnancies are alike, just as no two losses are alike.
Bleeding, cramping, and sometimes intense pain serve as clear reminders of the loss. While an early loss can feel like a severe menstrual cycle, later-term miscarriages can require medical procedures or even induction and delivery. The body, once a vessel of hope, now carries the weight of emptiness with the aftermath of post-partum hormones to figure out.
It’s important to remember to be honest with yourself regarding your physical limitations and consult your health care professional. You may find yourself wanting to isolate, but remember to allow people who offer to step in with practical help to actually help. One of the hardest things you can do as you heal is sometimes to say yes to a home-cooked dinner, a housecleaning, or even simply letting someone come sit with you. Even though it may be challenging, it is important to remember to let others be there for you during this time.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
The emotional journey through a miscarriage is often characterized by a rollercoaster of feelings that can change from moment to moment. It can feel like you’re trying to stay afloat in the middle of the ocean without a life vest. Initially, there might be shock and disbelief, followed by sadness and mourning. It’s normal to feel like you’ve progressed five steps forward and then ten steps back.
I wish there were a 12-step checklist to walk through this, but there’s not. When you lose a child, the natural death order is out of line. It’s “normal” to see the passing of our grandparents, then, sadly, our parents. To bury a child or mourn the loss of a baby is a particular pain that cuts to your core. Guilt and self-blame can also creep in, leading to questions like, “Did I do something wrong?” or “Could I have prevented this?” When untrue thoughts come into your mind, identify them for what they are – lies from the enemy to make you doubt your value, question your worth, and drive a wedge between you and a God who you can still trust and rely on.
The Spiritual Turmoil
The spiritual impact of miscarriage varies from person to person and can be extremely personal. For some, it’s a time of questioning faith and grappling with why such a tragedy occurred. For those without faith, there may be a sense of disconnect from a higher power, as the very foundation of belief in humanity feels shaken.
On the other hand, spirituality can also be a source of great comfort. Some parents find comfort in believing their baby has found a peaceful place, becoming a guardian angel watching over them. In this sense, miscarriage becomes a thread that weaves a connection between the seen and the unseen. While many people find solace in this, it is not biblical. Our children are completely content in Heaven, having everything they need. In Heaven, there is no sickness or pain. For whatever reason your baby passed, Jesus has healed them, bringing them back to full life in glory.
The Mental Weight
The mental impact of miscarriage is a terrain filled with ups and downs, often mirroring the emotional journey. Internal battles and opposing thoughts turn the mind into a battlefield. Intrusive thoughts about what could have been and how life could have unfolded differently can take a toll.
It’s common to replay every moment surrounding the loss in your mind, searching for answers or trying to pinpoint the cause. This process can be exhausting, leaving an overwhelming sense of helplessness. In all the weight that your mind carries, determine what is true in the situation. The truth is that you don’t want to be here, and you aren’t at fault.
Another truth is that you are not walking in this alone. God has not left you or abandoned you. In fact, He’s leaning in. God is pressing into ALL of your emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Take every thought back to His Word and know what He says is true.
Healing and Moving Forward
Each person’s grief and healing path is unique, shaped by their individual beliefs, support systems, and personal resilience. Finding healthy outlets for processing—such as talking to a counselor, joining support groups, or engaging in creative activities—can aid in the healing process.
When you are ready, allow yourself to share about your baby. You never know who will find comfort in your story when you’re brave enough to share it. The loneliness that comes with grieving can be lessened by simply knowing that there are others out there who care and empathize. Keeping loved ones aware of how you are doing allows them to understand how to be there for you. Remember, leading with your needs in this painful season is okay. Allowing others in prevents walls from being built and allows others the privilege of carrying your burden. (Galatians 6:2)
Embracing the Complexity of What a Miscarriage Feels Like
Grief is a tapestry woven with threads of pain, doubt, hope, resilience, and the strength to move forward. Over time, with Jesus, it will become a source of comfort rather than agony. The emotional scars become a testament to the love and connection that were shared, even if briefly.
As a Christ follower, I find so much comfort in the promise of Heaven. Not only in the fact that one day, when I take my last breath on this earth, I will be with Jesus in Heaven, but that my babies will be there too. When you put your faith and trust in Jesus and accept Him as your Savior, you also can grieve with that same Hope.
You Are Not Alone
Friend, if you’re reading this while grappling with the aftermath of the loss of a baby, please know that you are not alone. Your journey is valid, and God wants to comfort you. Give yourself permission to grieve, to seek support, and to find joy again. While the pain may never completely vanish, it will start to look different when we fully surrender it to the Lord. He has so much for you in a grieving season. If you allow Him, He will lead you in it and through it.
