Ways to help teens understand or heal from sexual assault and rape.
Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
The effects of sexual assault and rape are devastating, heartbreaking, and life-altering. I have walked through the incredibly difficult, dark and painful journey of recovery with one too many victims throughout my more than two decades as a therapist. That is why we want to bring up this difficult topic as a way to offer help.
Teens affected by sexual assault or rape have been profoundly violated. This type of assault is not just an attack on the body, but on the victim’s sense of safety and security as well as their personhood. Victims of sexual assault include both both males as well as females and most of them experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, sleep disorders and depression. Rape increases their risk of suicidal thinking and, in some cases, increases the possibility that they will have multiple sexual partners in the future.
Teens may develop body image issues and may seek to become as unattractive as possible in order to prevent rape or sexual assault from ever happening again. Other devastating effects include substance use or abuse, self-harm, and dissociation from reality. In addition, victims may acquire sexually transmitted infections (STIs), while some women become pregnant as a result of the rape.
There are at least four different types of rape that are reported, each with their unique devastating dynamics:
Teens affected by rape need their parents more than ever and, in most cases, the family is also in deep grief, anger, sadness, anxiety, and at a loss of what to do. Here are some suggestions:
Let your child know you are always available when they want to talk. Then try to get them back into a routine. Your teen will likely struggle at first but resuming their daily routine can help them learn to live normally again.
Teens need to know that sexual assault or rape is NEVER the victim’s fault. Rape or assault come as a result of the perpetrator’s own issues, including extreme personal and mental health issues and possible substance use/abuse. But to reduce the overall risk of sexual assault and increase awareness and knowledge, parents can have the following intentional conversations with their teens:
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, in the United States 1 in 5 females will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, while for males that figure is 1 in 71. Out of those who are sexually assaulted, 91 percent are females, while 9 percent are male.
Rape is the most underreported crime, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center. It seems especially likely that many sexual assaults on males would go underreported for various reasons, including not wanting to be seen as weak. Interestingly, only around 15 percent of sexual assaults on men are perpetrated by strangers. The rest are committed by acquaintances, coaches, intimate partners, or other people they know.
What should your child do if they discover that a friend has been raped? Suggest that they:
If your child is not a victim of rape, you can still discuss the issue. Talk to your child and encourage him or her to:
Dr. Daniel Huerta is Vice President of Parenting and Youth for Focus on the Family, overseeing the ministry’s initiatives that equip moms and dads with biblical principles and counsel for raising healthy, resilient children rooted in a thriving faith.
He is a psychologist, a licensed clinical social worker, and the author of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. For many years, he has provided families with practical, biblically-based and research-based parenting advice on topics including media discernment, discipline, communication, mental health issues, conflict resolution, and healthy sexuality in the home. He is passionate about coming alongside parents as they raise contributors, instead of consumers, in a culture desperately in need of God’s kingdom.
Dr. Huerta has been interviewed by various media outlets including Fox News, Fatherly, Christianity Today, WORLD Magazine, and CBN, and he is a frequent guest on Christian radio stations across the nation. He’s also written for publications, including The Washington Post, on various topics related to marriage and parenting. He participated in the development of Focus on the Family’s Launch Into the Teen Years, a resource to help parents prepare their kids for adolescence, and he speaks regularly at retreats, conventions, and online events.
Dr. Huerta has maintained a private practice in Colorado Springs, Colorado since 2003 and has served families through Focus on the Family since 2004. He and his wife, Heather, have been married since 1997 and love being parents to their three teen children, Alex, Lexi, and Maci.
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